Sorry....

I'm sorry I'm not a slag.
Yes I said it.
I'm sorry I don't wear the clothes you think I should.
I'm sorry you were expecting someone different.
I'm sorry I never text you I'm useless OK!
I'm sorry you think I'm a bitch but are you surprised.
I'm sorry that my life offends you so.
I'm sorry that my refusal to eat meat impacts your digestive system as well.
I'm sorry for not fitting into your perfect little box of a world.
But most of all,
I'm sorry for you.

New Year's Resolutions

will try and be organised.

I will NOT make it to the gym.

I will think up all these crazy schemes and I'll do about two of them.

I'll get drunk.

I'll cry, about a big thing, about a little thing, and about a medium sized thing.

I will smile more than a thousand times.

I'll think about the people who aren't around any more and think, 'there's a damn good reason for that'

I'll miss those people.

I will never back down from an argument.

I will have at least one day every month when I look absolutely god awful, but heaven help you if you point it out.

I'll go to india.

I'll forget the birthday of someone important.

I'll make friends and break friends.

I'll say I'll change my image and buy one outfit.

I'll amaze myself.

I will fail at being organised.

I'll spend more money than I should.

I will not stop being my crazy, unorganised messy self.

I will be proud of this.



New Year, New you.



Bollocks.

Untouched

My naked skin feels untouched,
and yearns for the carress of a lover.
My eyes feel unobserved,
and my lips feel unkissed.
The nape of my neck yearn for lips to carress it,
and the small of my back yearns for strong fingers to sink into it.
My hips long to be puled into another's
My heart wants to beat with another's,
and my body longs to be held.

But more.
My soul feels undesired, unobseved and unloved,
longs to connect and be explored.
Above all I want my hearts desire,
to love another and be loved in return.

Anyone

When you're out not thinking of anyone,
I'm here.
When you're lonesome needing anyone,
I'm here.
When you're angry needing to blame anyone,
I'm here.
When you're tearful wanting anyone,
I'm here.
When you're gleeful bursting to share with anyone,
I'm here.
When you're tired begging for help from anyone,
I'm here.
When you need to go out with anyone,
I'm here.
When you need to open up to anyone,
I'm here.
When you need to wake up next to anyone,
I'm here.
When you need affection from anyone,
I'm here.
When you need help from anyone,
I'm here.
When you need a lift from anyone,
I'm here.
When you need to be alone with anyone,
I'm here.
When you need a kind word from anyone,
I'm here.
When you need to see a smile from anyone,
I'm here.
When you want to comfort anyone,
I'm here.
When you want to talk to anyone,
I'm here.
When you want, anything, anyone,
I'm here.
But you don't want anyone.
You want anyone.
But me.

Turn

There's a stillness around me,
It's not calm but it's still,
And I really have no choice.

I want to go backwards but someone's locked the door.
I can go forwards but it scares me.
I can't stay here, the walls are closing.
Thre's one path.
But I don't want to take it.

To the lost.

If the world turns anyway then why speak?
If the sun rises anyway then why try?
If the tide rolls anyway then why move?
And if the clouds pass over anyway why act?
Because, somebody somewhere finds you precious,
Somebody somewhere loves you,
Somebody somewhere wants to hold you till all your troubles melt away.
Somebody somewhere cares.

I am.

I am the white and pink tricycle that used to be my sister's.
I am the scar on my chin from jumping in the paddling pool.
I am the first time someone hit me.
I am the first time I argued back.
I am my first primary school boyfriend.
I am the tears the bullies gave me.
I am my first kiss aged thirteen.
I am the first time I laughed until I cried.
I am my first fight.
I am the voice crying "no".
I am my first secondary school boyfriend.
I am my first break up.
I am my first love.
I am the letter he sent me that broke my heart for the first time.
I am the woman who didn't help.
I am my decision to go it alone.
I am the compliments on prom night.
I am the teenager leaving school for the last time.
I am the foolish college girl.
I am the boy who loved her.
I am everything she dreams she could be.
I am everything I said I would never be.
I am my battle scars.
I am alive.